Majestic!

Its your majestic life! All yours!! We are here just to see!!!

But if you move, so shall we.

You are majestic!

You can still advance scratching yourself.

But we shall fly and fall apart.

Oh! Highness!

Its your majestic life! All yours!! We are here just to see!!!

Vampires and the ORANGE SHIRT

Total innocence and a goal high set is what she is. She was preparing for a trail unusual.  She made principles tough! Unlike most others who set their goals a few miles away on the most commonly trodden ways, she dreams a goal and works a way to it, no matter how hard she needs to sweat out to make that one. Circumstances turn sour on her on every step she takes. Believing its only something good that can happen after bad, She smiles. A heavy mask she wears, that seems the defeat for someone against her. Her determination and dedication keep her going.

She almost does anything for her final goal. Amidst all bad luck, she had a new friend who seemed to have understood her very well. Her new friend showed her how he had similar plans for life and how much more they can do by teaming up for a lifetime.

He showed her the bliss in trusting a person and sharing the loads. She, who was always independent, started trusting him. He did things before she could ask him. He could foresee her dreams, knew her flaws, understands her strengths and arranged everything he could for her to have seemingly a cake walk. He told her how love makes him do all this without a second thought. Seeing how much and how beautiful they could fulfill their dreams together, she started loving him. She knew she just needs to be herself to love him and be loved.

She felt she understood his strengths and weakness and supported him to become a better person. It thrilled her and gave a sense of satisfaction when the near and dear said “he has improved a lot being with you” and she knew how supportive he was to her.

Soon they were in love and all the pain would simply drain away when they are together. She was excited to gift him something. And both together choose an “ORANGE SHIRT”. He looked handsome and bright and with all the love he had for her, he bent to hold her in love. She wanted to see the love in his eyes but was too shy to do so.

But he was having the tints of red. He now studied her enough to know how to use her. The gruesome hues started creeping in him. Having drained exhausted her tears, she cried blood. He knew now that he has stirred enough he can leave the soup to boil. She was boiling in the soup of emotions with the violent ingredients of situations. Unable to put herself out, she reached out for help of his family, poor girl did not know she was actually inviting more vampires.

His mother was a highly tactful and proud woman. She was not just proud of being tactful but she knew everyone in her family are equal vampires who nurture the prey before biting off the neck. The best tact they always use with expertise is to cut something deep enough not to entirely tear it but also leave no scope for recovery.

 The vampire shines bright in red after preying on her

The climax is when the entire family feasted in blood and pain. They want more tears and more blood no matter at what cost. She turned into a tear harvesting crop. The minute she has tears, the flock to drink them. Never can they let a tear go….. This vampire family also extended more as he got a new bride. To reap more of her tears and suck more of her blood, he got married wearing the same ORANGE SHIRT she gave.

She has lost all except her breath. She is a soul that can only make gallons of tears. She is the one in his backyard now, the vampire family and extended family feast on. They crushed her bones, killed her vision, hang her with her hair tied up there. The only words she says, as she continues to be a crop of tears are ….

“Orange is the first color on my flag.
Symbol of courage.
Courage for you to be bold and be mine.
I don’t mean the courage for you to run away from me.
Orange means sacrifice.
Its for you to sacrifice for our well being.
Its not for me to sacrifice you….
When I struggle to gauze the glitch you made, don’t stand high on your pitch.
Better not sport it when you choose not to be with me.”

Oh Women out there, please be empathetic to the problems other women face. Please do not encourage or support any man who cheats. Let the fear of loosing something or everything be there in men too. Let them not feel that they can get along no matter what they do. If there is anything that we women can do for all the violence we face, please learn not to tolerate no matter what they pledge. Especially Mothers, it is not motherhood to ruin the lives of girls for your son. Now that you have passed the phase of life doesnt mean you be a vampire on other girl's life!!  

Suicide! Survival!

You should know what your destination is.
Decide who is it you want to tug with.
Kill to live, you cant live without killing is the lesson the forests preach.
What is the use of asking the forest the way to live?
Ending something is normal. Friendship is a dream.

We still try to make friends. Are we our own enemies?

The warriors and the worried feel the same warmth in their mothers lap.

Tears are the same for achievers and beaten.
Nomadism was a thing of the long past.
Fast life is the thing in today.
What different are we than the animals since eras.
We can be an angel; we can even be a demon.

Trying to be something, we have long forgotten to be ourselves.

We can pluck the stars of the sky if we wish to.

We can tear apart the light into colors.

I am totally absorbed into the plot you put.
I am dead the day you killed me.
I am reborn a robot.
Just an instrument that shall work selfless.
An instrument that shall give in itself to do something for others.
An instrument that shall never do anything for itself.
An instrument that wants nothing for itself.
An instrument that can only work when in condition and trashed otherwise.
I want to be an instrument of service to humanity.
If it may need to fight for justice, let me be a tanker in the war field.
Least bothered about my survival shall I fight.
Let me not be a tanker in the showcase.
Let me be of some use please.
Let me at least serve like an instrument rather than living a beast of no use.

Easy going are those who make the choice of a suicide.
Unwise is me still here.
From the dairies of a trauma haunted victim.

My address!! Hope? Or Hopeless?

I live in the lane of sadness
The bricks of helplessness,Cemented with aggressive feelings of fighting for justice.
Plastered with hope to do something selfless but useful.
Tragedies form the roof.
The house exterior is painted the color of bold; interior is often whitewashed with tears.
Zero trust is path to the entrance door of hatred.
The house is ventilated with frankness.
Frankness is the window of this house.
My air conditioner assures guilt free environment.
This is the most peaceful house I can ever find.
People who try to take advantage of me are like birds at my window.
Happy not to be on the lanes of cunning, masking, deceiving, plotting …..
Those lanes are more like survival of the cruelest rather than
Survival of the fittest.
If I am guilty…. yes I am guilty!
My drinks are spiked with doses of emotional pressures of family I am born in
And the society I live in.
I live captivated in this house rather than fighting back.
Who knows? This could be the time I prepare for the next big plunge ….
Or It’s a degrading process till I melt into soil or fade into time or I resign myself….
“A fight can never end till justice is done”.

One cant fight with a mindset of a civilian.
You need to be a soldier.
A fight you win may make no difference to you.
Infact it may ruin you and your family.

The satisfaction lies in how the success diffuses around you.
Sometimes there may be no one to feel the fragrance.
But you have done your part!!
The ecstasy in this can never be explained.
It’s a feeling words cant define.

Silly Chhilly Thoughts!!!

As usual, the complicated grown ups we are, my head was loaded with a list of To-Do’s, goals, frustrations, analysis….. as the flight took off, the pressure had an impact on my ears that distracted me and made me put a pause to load on my brain. It was bright day time and I was looking down the window pane of a flight.

Sometimes its good to leave your heart free. When you know there is no one around who recognizes you. When you are sure there is no one who can in anyway make any difference to you. When you know nothing can reach you and you can reach nothing, that’s the best time ….. stop thinking anything and everything and look around like a baby or a kid would do. I don’t know how many would enjoy doing this but I did. Enough said, let me put my silly chhilly thoughs! This makes me giggle to myself in one of the purest form of relishing which hardly happens in real life with grown ups.

As the altitude increases, the world becomes blur and the clouds look closer. At a certain altitude, I feel as if the I am in a garden of no much contrast. As if everything is in light colors. And the world beneath is a world with higher contracting colors and contrasting feelings. This white world above May be a blue print some art work. Whoz art?? Who else can it be other than God here? The most naughty, worse and best thing I ever know. When clouds go down ………… I was thinking how mean God is to some ….. and then looking down again. This time it looked like am looking in to a packed box something in it but covered with cotton.

My world is colorful!
Greens, hues, dark barks

Light, dark and bright animals.

Contrasting floral and fauna is our world.
Flying high, is our world blurring …..
Soon I see a garden of light colors. Oh no bright contrasts!
Something very peaceful as it is all white but not very interesting.
Going higher, its like something beneath, covered by cotton,
Who would put cotton on the world below?
World is a lotta mess God did.
Probably God is a Kid who has a mom.
As she suddenly walks in, in an attempt to hide the mess from her.
He quickly drops cotton all over.

Hmmmm probably my frustration on God makes me feel all this. Let me listen in the silence to hear the other party speak.

In a defence, God says, Hey you with a sinking heart.

I am supreme, I am blinding you. The layer of cotton is just you.
I am trying to gift you something new.
Relax as you fly and watch out to have the feel of opening a gift.

Enjoy it dear!

Hahaha how nice to get a gift!!

But you know what, complications are all over. Its just the time you take to realize.

Is it better to be nomadic? Keep moving before things complicate??

My first travel to the US

Its my first ever flight… there is a lot of sensitive silly past behind me not opting to fly abroad which for now cant be revealed for now but hope there comes a day when I do.

Let me try and write something from the present.

I don’t know why I was told “All the best” when I had gone to my visa interview, or why am I told “Congrats” when I say I am going abroad. I am just crossing the borders that were once drawn and continue to be valid now. I am just a human. I am not crazy of seeing any place. I am very much happy in the place I reside. The place that respects me as I am. Going to this place is no much different from travelling to any other place. Hmmmm….

The flight to Dubai was short but believe me I felt like turning the flight around and getting back. As it was getting boring. The screen at my seat was not working. But with my co-passenger, it was ok to manage. Here is a real time filmy co-incidence. He and me speak the same language, he works in an office pretty close to my office and also resides in the same locality as I residence in India. He resides just two streets away from my home. Travelling with the same purpose as mine till LA. The cities we traveled to from LA are different but equidistant from LA. I was already getting bored.

I heard a lot about dubai airport. We reached the terminal along with my co-passenger and his 2 other colleagues in the same flight. Then I got some time for myself and went around window shopping. Again joined them back to move on. In the flight from Dubai to LA, the seat next to me was empty. And then a kid around 6yrs old and his mom. They both were very busy with their screens. So was I. but it was getting boring. They served food often and it was good but too much for me to eat. I wasted a lot of food. I shall put it up in the list of guilts.

LA made me run around. I was on my nerve as I may miss my flight. I want to end the journey at the earliest but… the big queues for immigration ….. I had no clue when and where I cleared it. The next flight was at 9:45 AM and at 9:10 I was still switching queues. I had to take my baggage and rush for the domestic flight. But still I manage to make it. I would just ask almost anyone I came across to help me reach the right place. It was a relief for me to know that all this boring thing is gonna end in an hour or so. Each time the flight takes off and lands, my eardrums react to the pressure changes. Grace of heavens, I don’t feel a pain but just a difference in hearing.

Things at San Jose were easy and deserted too. I moved to my destination from there. I relaxed to mark the end of my boring journey.

Once here, life is a chaos the time difference, jet lag, getting in touch with people. Just in need of some time to breath. Once I am outaa this I shall come up with other posts.

I am Sorry!!

A real Quick confession. Not much time in hand but want to make a confession. It’s a regular route I drive and I know the road has a lot of bumps and pits but is short cut. Lanes too narrow, through a little slum with rough people is this way. It didn’t rain, but a patch on the road was wet. Assuming it to be dry, I moved a little fast. The dirty water splashed high around. A poor old man was walking on the side of this dirty narrow lane. I wished it didn’t touch him. And there comes my wish true, at least the splash was not onto him totally. The lane is too narrow for me to stop and apologize. It was also dark with a few men around (not sure if they were normal or drunk). Being all alone I couldn’t even dare a stop, the fear of them taking advantage of me being alone in the dark gripped me and made me rush through the lane. Deep in my heart I feel sorry for dirty splash. An apology here, for sure cant reach them ....

How is it i like ...

I am least bothered of:

Glamour quotient, skill set, fame equation, financial quotient …….

All that matters is natural quotient and practical quotient.

Gender, beauty, occupation are no bars.

Region, religion, Language, caste-creed ...
dont matter at all.

Let them not impress me or depress me.

Let me not impress them or depress them.

Let’s simply walk down the aisles of life.

Neither you my way nor me your way.

We are not here to assess each other.

There are no criteria for assessment.

Let the heavens play a spell that may fall upon us…..

Let us unintentional happen to notice each other’s virtues.

Let me happen to admire you.

Let me feel relaxed and comfortable to accept your flaws to the extent needed.

I am not following you closely, let it just happen that I see ….

How you react on seeing a flower,

How you react in agony and surprises.

How you react, act and enact.

Let all the same happen to you too.

With blessings from heavens we become friends.

Lets party our friendship!

In the bright light of trust,

Amidst the no faking zone,

With the fragrance of frankness,

Sharing pain and glee,

Helping is the gift I assure you as long as the party lasts.

And I know you would gift me the same.

I hope I have many such parties.

Alas!! There is a scarcity!!

Party is a good thing, but not an essential right. Laaa lalalaaa ....

"DISTANCE"

Distance…. distance….. Distance has no limits.

Having written the same exam by time in life,

Having given the same answers,

We still stand with different questions…..

Having travelled together in the same boat,

We still reached different destinations of destiny.

It’s the same past and the same truth that we may burry to move further.

Broken into pieces, each is paired with a different world to live in.

So close that “Distance” cant see.

“Distance” couldn’t make its way then.

It creeps between couples to split them apart and shows it can make ways.

“Distance” that had been alone with no friends and relatives,
“Distance” that is jealous for it always experiences only loneliness,

“Distance” breaks the relations between people and feels proud of the accomplishment.

“Distance” is growing strong by preying on the bitter silence between the two.
“Distance” is glowing bright in the darkness of split between the two.

At a distance that I can’t take a single step away from you.

At a distance that I can’t move an inch from you.

A distance of seven steps is creating a distance that is distant for distances themselves to measure.

“Distance” changes its own words from a milestone to milestone.

“Distance” changes its orientation on every turn.
The knot is going to make my life’s distance a thorny way all through.

“Distance” promises to erase all the endless facts.

But with distance, your vision is only blurred to look at those facts.

Memory is the worst enemy of distance with emotions like guilt and grievance as its tools.

For, it is still capable of letting you swim back in time at the cost of negligibly little time.

It’s never a journey dear, if you forget the start point.

So it’s never possible to actually forget the past.

You will have to master the art of learning to live with it.

“ME” to ….mmmMMEEeee….

I was ……

Very independent.
I drew limits, and took an oath not to cross.
I had limited dreams to reach.
Some big, some small.
But I had the courage and dedication to reach them practically.

I made room for the exceptions that may come along.

I am enough to make a move.

I am a confident 21st centaury girl.

Life is short; I need to do a lot.
Family and relationships took front seat in my life.

Exceptions become my life!

And plans became exceptions that could hardly happen.
Shaken with the disasters, I am left in trauma.

Now I am ….

Cant do regular things independently.

Depend on others to make my basics that I am ashamed to tell out.
Lack courage to stand and look around, I prefer to hide and peep.
I have dreams unfulfilled, but when regular deeds look dreadful, dreams now are only nightmares.
I don’t understand how I once, or people around me now, move around with such ease.
Was I ever so? Is being so practically possible?
Let me consult, if I can be made to move?
I am like the touch me not. Don’t make me cry.
I wonder why should a family mean anything to me.
Why am I alone so bothered?
Life is a pain and a burden. Why doesn’t it end?

Can’t I ever get back my previous virtues? Is it any worth me being a sack on the sea shore?

Gratitude!!

It may be insignificantly small for you but

The reflections could be elegant to me.
You may not count on it but I do.

I may look small and may not be able to help you.

But doesn’t mean I can let you be harmed.

But can you, who helped me account to be forgiven forever?
Does the help you do serve an investment to eternity?
How much should I let go?

Party!!!

The cool breeze slaps out all burdens…..
Claps in for the party.
Inviting everything around.
Says Cheers!!
All the leaves respond to the breeze.
Clapping and saying cheers!!
I may not clap with hands but I still sync.
My tresses raise cheers first.
Breeze tickles every pore on me....
And then I am already in the party.
I am smiling back already.
I am in the best party.
The most impartial party that invites everything around.

The breeze Sings low and high.
The most peaceful and good souls ever,
The trees and plants, dance, sing, sway and greet …...
( For sure they are not drunk )
What music can please you more than this?
Which air conditioner can give you better conditioning?
What can feast your eyes more than nature?

Rain washes out every old look.
Brings in a new fragrance, a fresh appeal each time like never before.
The rain drops are like special gifts heaven is sending for me.
In this vast universe where I am insignificantly small…..
It gifts me so many tiny drops dropping from heavens above.
Looks like the number of drops in the rain is the number of souls that existed so far,
Coming down to greet me and give all the surplus energy I need.
I may be alone or in a group.
But there are actually so many with me.
Each time I rejoice like never before.
Sometimes it brings the naughty me out.

The best thing about this party is …
There is no invitation.
I need not worry where I am, I can choose to attend it.
No matter I am happy or sad,
The party ensures I enjoy.

Trauma

Traumas are the tantrums life throws at you for the sin of destiny not utilizing the opportunity to end.
May be the greed to survive, utilizes all your strength to escape and so shall you be punished.
Traumas re-format your brain to tint every experience terrifying.
Silly, serious, similar or sane yet it can still be terrifying.
Trauma is like the saline that flows though living into you.
So do you cut living from your life?
Given trauma and torture,
If one experiences trauma, they would call torture without trauma, a heavenly thing.
I want a berth on land to shrink into earth.

After writing the lines above. My reformatted brain gives a bright tint as a contrast…….. may be just to enhance trauma. Being in trauma, I sugarcoat myself enough not to traumatize others. Its ok if I torture them. But let them not be traumatized. Let me work a vaccine to their trauma. This could also be the meaning of my living.

It’s the strong that face the competition.
Not everyone can compete.
Tragedy is the course that many drop off to eternity.
I could push myself to complete it successfully.
Trauma is the examination after completing this course.
I am half way through already.
Just incase I succeed in this exam,
Probably there is a huge credit waiting for me ………… (What say?)
Why not play till I come across “Game over”
“Game over” is anyways inevitable.
Why rush to it, lets see what more rounds the game has….
Who knows, you may have a bonus life in the next level …..

From the dairies of a trauma haunted victim.

Confession!

Ask me why am I not writing much these days? Again I would call upon my true love. I don’t want to sugarcoat anything much. I cannot be honest. So I choose to be silent for a while or better for ever rather than being dishonest. Even now I have some posts that I seriously want to put up. But may be I should give more thoughts on it before I actually do.

There are a lot of pending posts. Both good and bad. Hesitation in putting up few ….. and the aggressive me coming up with bold posts is what that is tying up me as of now. But today I plan to push up a few posts. It’s been a bad day. Don’t ask me why? For its all silly and for sure I won’t remember or I don’t want to remember. Sleep pouring in ………. I still want to write…………

My True Love- 3

Honesty pays nothing.
When you make yourself the same inside-out,
It’s as good as you stand naked.
Use masking as a dress.
Dress according to the occasion and the crowd.

Hard to believe and implement once you are in love with honesty.

Frankness is the beauty of the genuine,
A Genius doesn’t mind it.
Cowards don’t hold it.
Looks funny to rascals. The Idle find it baffling, and stay in an illusion to see more after the end.

No Complaints

I plan to observe a no complaint day today.
Not that I can control my brain from complaining me.
Just that I want to push my brain to see something positive in that situation too and speak it out.
This was once easy for me.
Lets see how the day goes.

Could keep it only up to a little after 6PM. I realised, we complain so often on so small things too that hardly matter.

As I kept myself away from complaining, I realized the number of ways we are pulled into conversations. No converstions are pure positive. There is a negative aspect that makes it complete.

The Romance!

I was at Tirupati in august with a heavy heart. Sinking down deep in me I moved across lands. I don’t know the impact on me after seeing the deity of the much reputed temple, but once I came out, I saw the clouds on the way. So low, so dense, I could hardly see 10 meters ahead. I felt the skies have bent down to raise the heavy heart in me. Such a beautiful sight it was. The feel lasts long. It was as if the nature whispers to me, “Dear, how do you think I will leave your heart to sink. I sink as well to reach you…..” I wonder if it said the same to all around. I blushed to hear to this and was looking down on the hill I was on. The hill quickly responded saying “you liar, I thought you were here to smooch me”. This triggered a giggle in me. The walk through the dense humid clouds on the higher altitudes of the hill made me feel good. The heavens bent down to hold me, a hug from the heavens is what I felt.


The following morning, I was travelling to Sripurma from Tirupati. I heard a lot about the golden temple there that has great architecture and has covers of yellow metal, the most fascinating to many. I was impressed seeing the picture of the place and the dazzling beauty of the temple. But the most memorable part of the trip was not the temple or its architecture or the gold cover. The beauties of nature I noticed. I was seeing the clouds romance the hills with green covers. Slowly drifting away from the hills as the day breaks in. In broad day light the sky and the hill stand like parallel tracks. I see red hills that have no much vegetation standing there to realize the clouds date the hills that decorate themselves with the greens.


The beautiful sights that we leading busy, tech –savvy lives miss. No heavens bend to lift our spirits up here. We raise the hell of pollution and build the concrete ovens to roast ourselves. You might see a lot more amazing things using technology but the 4th dimension (experience) makes the difference. Here is an irreversible chemical equation


Experience --> imagination + explanation + understanding + pictures


This means, be it a good or a bad, “Experience” can be broken down to “imagination + explanation + understanding + pictures”.


But, “imagination + explanation + understanding + picture” can not make an “Experience”.

Blinds of Reality

The harp of emotions with strings of societal norms,

Sings loud the consequences of the actions I do.

The harp casts a shadow on the family I come from.

The song seems noise to my family and is gossip for the rest.

I know criminals who are still being free out there.

I wish I could struggle to get them down.

I can fight till the last drop of blood in me flows up.

But the societal strings bind me.

The emotional blackmails zip my lips and tie me down.

May be I am watching a horror show of life.

The sand feels the pain for I stand on it in a desert.

I know its no use to rain here.

The sun is burning all….

All the gallons of my tears vaporize before they reach the sand to sooth.

The only little I can do for the pain I give the sand,

I zip my mouth not to allow it to dry.

For if it dries, I may run to quench my thirst
This shall give the sand more pain.

Trauma haunted victim!

I have legs that seem athletic.
But I cant walk like you.
I am not a baby, confident to learn walking soon.
I have hands.
But cant be like you.
I am not a baby, growing fast to grip.
I have a brain but cant behave like you.
I have no disease but find the diseased are better than me.
I did have goals.
But the golly does not to allow me to make one.
I have wings that can stretch
But the hunters around, shall not hunt me down
But just pluck my feather one after the other.

Filled with fears unexplainable
Lacking courage to make the basic moves ….
Paralyzed, I stand a puppet just making forced moves ….
Unable to trust anything….
Unable to fight, unable to stand, unable to end …
Waiting for ultimate rest…

From the dairies of or trauma haunted victim.

Goodies!

Let your soul soak and sink in sorrow let it swallow the spirit of defeat and betrayal. Then all that is left around is winning and happiness. When you hit the rock bottom, all you can do is get up and get going.
But the universe is vast spread. There is no rock bottom. With heads up you feel you are falling down. With heads down you feel you are advancing. Do you have the verve to turn around?
Whats this I am writing?

These were my feelings last night.
I was very depressed over turns in my life.
With lot of depression and fear ….
Speaking to vacuum, I was looking up the silent skies.
As if my voice reached the stars far off …. they spoke ….

Stars:
My dear, we are all here burning years long.
Or civilizations and generations long to be in your terms.
You see us from distance far.
And say “the romantic night with stars bright”.
Dramatic how you find us burning hard to be romantic.
Everything looks good from a distance and doesn’t make any difference.
I burn this hard and get noticed so far.
Angles are my friends, who enjoy all the way and sing beautiful.
But you hardly know their presence.

Quickly I moved to bed and thought of bedtime stories of my childhood. The following morning I woke up, almost blank. I still remember the stars speak. I moved with my routine and was taking my way up to work. I stood still without my knowledge as if someone from somewhere called me.

This time it’s a small tree that wished me a good morning with a pleasing fragrance and bright colored beauties.

Tree:
Hey dear! How are you today?
You were too lost to hear me yesterday.
I didn’t miss a glimpse of you and so understand you.
I always stand here my way.
I am the same to person who is trying to cut me and shield me.
I am same as you see me now.
I am so patient that I stand here the same way though I am being cut.

With bewildered thoughts I went to up to see a single flower wrapped. This brought a pleasant smile on me. Yet a surprise, the beautiful flower started speaking to me ….

Flower:
Hi how are you?
Are you wondering how I manage to smile despite being cut?
I shall always smile till my last breath.
For shrinkage of smile is the milestone of wicked.
I may not fight against but I am not gonna let them take over.

Alone or with my peers,
I am not helpless yet.
I can keep smiling and spark smiles on others.

Refreshed I started my day bright. We need not run around, for inspiration is around us. No matter what all these inspirations are always there.

Greetings to self!

My True Love - 2

I have been thinking of writing this “My true love” since a couple of days but could not snatch a nap while to do so. I don’t know what is that craziest thing that’s making me write at this hour of life when I am exhausted like never before, eyelids falling free to gravity and I wear a crown of to-dos that I cant remove. I am desperate to write this and tell the world “MY TRUE LOVE!!” for I fear losing it though I swear shall strive my best.

Practical life taught me the art of masking and making things right for my mask to stay on. Soon I could master it well and make picture perfect things for near ones I cant separate from. No harm intended. May be its just a bargain to buy a little good time as I prepared myself to face the reality and let my near ones enjoy a little more time. Everyone around me was happy believing what they see. That induced happiness into me. Even I looked happy though deep in me I knew I am masking and this is not me. I encapsulated the shaky me in the mask that serves armor to the ongoing war within me. The punishment was in every second, every deed, every feel and every thought that it is the mask that people react to my mask and not me. All the pleasure is for the mask and me enjoying in disguise.

With different flavors of life, I started to try a flavor everyone JUST talks about. May be it’s a fragrance everyone talks about but cant afford to experience or cant dare to stand it. It’s something that most fake around but may not try to wear it on. You already know I am talking all about my true love with “HONESTY”. I have lost a lot after being in love with honesty. After losing a few, I myself felt what is the fun in having the rest? And let situations throw everything into the flames, as I meet eyes with my love. Is my love worth all this? Is it too late? I felt may be I would finally throw myself into the flames and let my love see me and just see me …..

But there is a difference. My love with honesty has built something in me. Something strong… This time it’s a strong me, covered by brittle mask my near and dear are trying to press on me. The may be doing this as a favor to me but I don’t need it anymore. My love has filled me with something that makes me strong enough. It reenergized me. I have new energies flowing in me. My love has without a word made all this for me. A feel, a strength, a courage ….. all beyond words.

I don’t know if I can stand with you. But if I stand it shall be

I stand with you to be looked down.
I stand with you to be betrayed.
I stand with you to suffer.
I stand with you to be perfect in this imperfect world.
I stand with you to be destroyed.
I stand with you to swim in the holy guilt free river.
I stand with you after losing everything …. to be lost forever.
I stand with you to be lost

My dear you have made me strong. With the new hope, don’t you think I ll get inclined to the blind world and not be with you? I am left with a choice to flow with the world and encapsulate a shaky me in a tough mask or be with you a strong me with a brittle mask that I don’t mind being ripped off for now. What do I do? Should I still have faith in you and believe you blind to see how well you washout? I see it’s just suffering, tears, depression and something strong within me that I cant put in words that you can buy for me.

An Autograph!

Frozen freedom.
Foul play flourishing.
Feelings faint far off.

Excitement extinct.
Enthusiasm endangered.

Betrayal bestowed all around.
Best become beasts.
Born to be beaten.

Destiny cuts deep.
The witch in time stitches it with ditch.

This is my signature.
Rendezvous with bad luck!
Nostalgic picture perfect life!