In a tireless journey to a picturesque place up town to make
a living, I think I left the life behind. Here I stand with something in me but
some element missing. I wanted to shed the past behind and leave a forever
angry face at it. How I realize, maintaining the forever angry face at it is ruining
my energy. Is this just the bald season just before the vibrant spring? Or is
it a grave that is forever going to remain grey?
ACCEPTANCE! I accept it as my tragic past but why do tears
flow all afresh! The years past could not deter the dedication to the fears
past. The loyalty of trauma remains despite of efforts to drain it. Nature has
its own way to bless and curse. It is often the best for you.
Amidst the anguish of shattering that I run from but did not
master to cope with, I come face to face with a humble talented artist wearing
the same costume of the Villon of the past that the artist is unaware of. The
poor humble artist has only this costume and is here to perform an act of
elegance. How can I turn my back to the artist who is right in my court? How can
I disgust him for just wearing on a costume that is from my painful past that
he is unaware of? How can I show him down on the only costume he has? Hence, I stand
to cheer his performance. I freeze my feet to be very much at the show, as I push
my mind to appreciate the talented artist. How do I silence the me in me to
stay quite and calm?
I know the pain of the past is not worth my time and energy.
The trauma shall not tame me for the worthless. How? How? and how do I live
this present? Something that gives me a very sharp pain but can I silence the
unrest? Is “Forgiveness” my way as I cannot retaliate to the Villon, I just cannot
accept but may be if I am willing to forgive the Villon of the past, I can have
a better present. Somehow the me in me is silenced now but I do not even see it
now. There is a whole lot of emptiness in me. There is no pain but tons of
numbness riveting me tight. Should I stay easy for nothing now hurts? Should I crave
for the living elements? Should I just let this solidify me? Should I ever
dream of a spring?
- Of the dairies of a trauma haunted victim.
