Emotional breach

Emotional wreck is like a crater with endless dreadful poison.
Stronger than cyanide, shall this be.
Like a monster shall fast spread, it shall try to cover you up.
Your Faith shall flare up.
Trust will evaporate from your crust.
The flowing time will pain you like sprit on a wound.
Guilt shall try to gulp you into time.
Guidance turns Gruesome.
Helping hands seem like hunters weapons.
There is not a place for you to hide but you are getting burnt slowly.
The venom in the crater has already sunk deep into the layers contaminating and destroying if forever.
Fencing the crater may help you sustain, for healing it is impossible.
Act quickly to fence.
For the age old saying, “Good fences make good neighbors”
You can only make the emotional crater a neighbor.
Apology and realization form the foundation on which forgiving stands a fence.
The only fence that shall stand.
Divert your ways away from the crater
Though you can always stand and watch it cutting in and in with no signs of healing.
The crowd around shall also love to watch the craters.
Once you make a good fence, time shall preach, how to live with the emotional wreck.

Is Bargain a human Trait?

Who does 100% of what you ask?

No matter what it costs you, they shall do only 20% of what you ask; when it makes no difference to them.
When it is a mutual concern they do 80% of what you say.
When it is an obligation they do 100% what you say.
But when they need, they expect 110% leading to anger and frustration.

Each of us have been in in all the above onetime or the other. Yet, we are so indifferent and keep struggling in the same cycle.

Human Traits

A list of human traits that all of us are aware of but hardly agree on. These traits define each of us but see what you call it and what the world calls it.

If you stick to your own guidelines and are not easily influenced,
You call it INDIVIDUALISM.
The world calls you HEAD STRONG.

If you are easily influenced,
You call yourself to be FLEXIBLE
The world calls you to be FICKLE MINDED.

If you try to defend yourself,
You call yourself to be SELF CONFIDENT.
The world calls you OVER CONFIDENT.

If you try to drive your point and achieve,
You call it DETERMINATION.
The world says you are STUBBORN.

If you think practical and come to conclusions that contradict,
You call yourself to be LOGICAL.
The world says you OVERTHINK.

If you talk less and think more,
You call yourself RESERVED.
The world calls you be EGOISTIC.

If you look around to feel,
You call it SELFCONSCIOUS.
The world says LEARN UP TO LIVE.

If you want to be humble and try being simple,
You call it SIMPLICITY.
The world says you are a STINGY.

If you are fun loving and talk jovial,
You call it being HUMOREOUS.
The world calls it being a CRITIC.

If you react to things promptly without dealy,
You call it PRESENCE OF MIND.
The world calls it being OVER SMART.

If you tell things upfront,
You call it being STRAIGHT FORWARD.
The world calls you INSULT.

If you vent out your feeling,
You call it being OPEN HEARTED.
The world calls it being SHORT TEMPERED.

If you try to ask people to find out what is wrong or good,
You call it being CONCERNED
The world says you NAG.

If you go on doing what you like,
You call it enjoying LIBERTY.
The world says you are FOOT LOOSE.

If you want everything to be planned in advance,
You call yourself as being CAREFULL.
The world calls you to be TOO INTRUSIVE.

If you try to stick to plans,
You say you have STABILITY OF MIND.
The world says you are RIGID.

If you try to take initiative,
You call it LEADERSHIP quality.
The world says you are a MONARCH.

If you are ready to adapt,
You call yourself to be a FOLLOWER.
The world says you lack MOTIVE and need SUPERVISION.

If you can easily forgive people,
You call yourself to be COOL MINDED.
The world calls you to be OUT OF YOUR MIND.

If you easily get satisfied and appreciate,
You call it being CHIVALROUS.
The world calls you to be DUMB.

If you try to solve your problems all by yourself,
You call it being CAPABLE.
The world says you UNDER-ESTIMATE others

If you think the other person would also be like you,
You call it treating everyone EQUAL.
The world says you are SICK for no two people can think the same.

If you think for yourself and do not bother about others,
You say you do not PRESUME things.
The world says you don’t CONSIDER anyone.

"Believe"

Do not believe anyone < 20 for they are kids and teens.
Do not believe anyone >=20 for they are cunning grownups.
Do not believe aged people for they imagine past and may not think apt for present.
Do not believe or rely on anyone if you really want to live peaceful.

Facts often overlooked in relationships

After seeing some of the couples depressed when there is nothing to be depressed about in joint families, I decided to write this post. I am not yet married but these thoughts have helped some of my friends understand life better and so I write. This will be a boring post though….

Past was easy and you were smart to manage.
Present is a monster out of your control and you are exhausted.
Future seems something you can gulp.

What should parents understand?
They should understand that there is a new person in their child’s life who also needs attention now. They should allow their son or daughter to give the other person some importance and shall not demand the same attention as before marriage. Especially in Indian marriages, when the girl goes to the guys house, everyone in the house needs to adapt. The guy cant spend the whole day as before chatting with his mom in the kitchen, watching TV with his dad and his routine with his family killing his 24 hours a day. Now there is another soul in the house who used to spend time the same way but now is in a new place. If everyone in the house continues to be as they were previously, the girl will be left nowhere and would start to think negative.
Parents should not find fault with their children and shall try not to point out how they change after marriage. They shall not see the girl as something that is reducing the time they spend with their son but try to treat her like their own daughter. The guy shall be uncomfortable to stay away from chatting to his mom in the kitchen to chat with his wife for a while. His parents shall help him balance this instead of saying “you are not finding time after marriage”. Let the new girl not feel insecure and try to stick to her husband always and grow anti in-law feelings.
The girls parents need to understand that the guy has very limited occasions to show himself to them and so should not jump to conclusion about him. In the very few occasions, he is very nervous and overwhelmed by the attention given. Understand there should not be a bad day when the girl shouts at him saying “what have you done for my family when I serve your family so much? I shall not do …..”. Let your son-in-law help you as the girl sees and let her feel, given an opportunity or need of the situation, my guy shall help my parents.

What should the guy understand?
There is a new soul next to him now. She also had good time with her family just like him. She has not been a house maker till date and so cant do things the perfect way from day one. She is not a robot to simply work and she needs time to adapt to this life. Deep inside her heart she misses her family and at times the kid in her feels you are responsible for getting her away. Though she overlooks this as she cannot admit it, it will show up in different ways. For example, when you say something your mom said, she may say “so what, I want you to do like this” this is the match stick that can burn the whole match. Instead of reacting back, think of ways to make her feel how special she is and how good she is and have the patience to explain her. When she has left her family to be with you, you can forgo a cricket match or a party to ease her. Later on you shall see this works magic in the ways she loves you. She will develop that unconditional love for you that will make her forgive you any number of times for anything. This will make her do the best for you and your family. Do remember to compliment her sometimes and then tell her how she can better to it.
Try to help your in-laws when needed, remember to check what they need often and not wait till the time they plead you for help. If you overlook this the girl may have a grudge on you and feel why she should do anything for your family when her family is left behind.

What should the girl understand?
The girl is out at a new location to adapt to a new lifestyle. There will be no one to compare her with her past and has a new canvas to work on. On the other hand, the guy is still in his old place, he would try to avoid people making fun of him saying “you have changed a lot after marriage”, thought this is unavoidable, each guy tries to fight this. He wants to portray to be the same and move on in his life the same way. He may not admit to this but it can show up in different ways. He may still be spending quality and quantity time with his parents and is again scared of hurting you. Since childhood he knows girls/ women are sensitive. His mom is on a watch suddenly with insecurity of loosing his son to you. He senses everyone looking at him through glasses but no one says anything. He is confused how to handle the situation and can ask none. He may not give you much time but may try to give you quality time. Don’t just concentrate on him, get moving with your in-laws. Overlook them looking at you through glasses. Admit the small mistakes you do like forgetting to add salt to the curry or so. Tell how your mom or siblings would have reacted to you in such a situation. This shall make them think of their family and their early married days relaxing the whole situation and giving more to talk on. Try to talk to the guy’s people on general things like recipes, daily chores, shopping and compliment them. Try to keep a low profile. Don’t show how busy you are with your career or how complex roles you play at your office. Get close to your mother in-law and she shall work the magic for you. Keep smiling and you can ask for tips to manage things instead of telling them you are too tired and cannot do all this. When his family is at ease and stops looking at you through glasses, the guy is relieved and is all yours. This makes a happy family. Try to tell him his mom is just like your mom. This may not do anything then but when your mom needs help, he shall do.
Understand your guy is not with your parents to see what they need. Try to help him to help your family and so you can avoid building grudge against him and his family for you do so much for them and they do nothing. He is not inhuman but doesn’t have n number of opportunities like you to score gud with in-laws.

How important are parents in a marriage?
Parents can always forgive and overlook our shortcomings. No one else is this world can do this. Even we cant always overlook and forgive our parents and may get angry with them. So we need to take care of them. They cut down on their interests to bring us up. We may have to adjust to help them ease when they are aged.
Other bitter fact that nobody bothers to think, when destiny plays in separating you from your life partner, the world would show sympathy for a short time like a skit but not help. Relatives may try to stand away fearing you may ask them for help if needed. But your parents stand by you to support you.

http://in.news.yahoo.com/139/20101009/385/ten-why-daughters-in-law-are-hazardous-f_1.html